Grief!

Tonight I have in my heart an ache that over the last 6 months has become too familiar. Tonight I will bury my precious Cooper. We got him almost 4 years ago for my birthday. We adopted him from New Leash on Life and he had obviously had been in some type of abusive home. He had little to no trust of men or children, and would run and hide anytime a household item such as a mop or broom was taken out of the closet. But over the last four years he had become the most loyal, loving friend I could have asked for. And, then, there was a freak accident while I took him on his evening walk, and now he is gone. Once again the pain of loss grips my heart.

Within the last six months our family has lost 4 beloved dogs, an elder and dear friend at church, my last grandparent (Grandpa Z), and Jeff's mom (my mother-in-law). I know people mean well when they try and encourage you through difficult times like this. We tell each other things like, "They were ____ years old. Well, at least they had a wonderful long life.", "You have such precious memories to  hang on to.", "I know it hurts, I lost several loved ones in a short time as well.".  I realize we all mean well, but I am not sure our words are what those who are grieving need during the immediate heartbreaking moments.

Jesus knew what it was like to lose those he loved. He lost his dear friend John and he also mourned for Jerusalem. According to the gospels he also had great heartache when considering his own death, knowing the extent of His suffering. He knows our every heartache, and that is more reassuring than anything said on this Earth.

I appreciate so much those, "I love you."'s and "I know how much they loved you." It is in times like this we are most thankful for the simplest of sentiments rather than the over analyzations of our grief.

I know we are to lean more heavily upon God during times like this. I do believe it is because he understands our heartache so well. And, I know he has a plan for all of this pain. I pray that through this immense pain in my chest I can turn it into praise for Him. I know I have a lot of blessings, I know He loves me, I know this heartache will get less intense. I know all of that, but for now I need to just cry, hurt and be loved. I also know He wouldn't allow it if there were no purpose behind it. In time I will find that purpose. Praying I can fulfill His purpose.